Whore Next Door: Darling, I’m Home

The air was already muggy at 9 a.m. when my blue-soled, Betsey Johnson lace pumps hit the sidewalk. I was in Miami for an adult industry trade show, and fellow colleagues teased me for doing the “walk of shame,” as I made my way back to my own hotel room in the already-blistering summer heat. I was indeed still in last night’s look — but I was sure that 2016 had finally said goodbye to the sex-negative concept that someone, especially a woman, should be ashamed for getting laid the night before. I was in desperate need of a shower, but that was only due to the sticky heat. As fabulous as I looked in my white-witch slut-strut uniform, I was getting all of the fisheye and none of the spoils.

And I hadn’t gotten laid.

Yes, I’d spent the evening naked with the world’s first virtual-reality cam girl, Ela Darling. Yes, we had licked white liquid off each other’s naked bodies, but only because we were trying to use Soylent — that trendy brogrammer meal replacement drink — as a mixer, and things just got a little carried away.

We mostly talked about skincare, broken hearts, and Harry Potter.

Porn stars don’t always live up to the preconceived fantasy that we are wild, eternally horny, ready-to-party sluts. With very few prom queens and quarterbacks in our ranks, we are more Freaks and Geeks than Pretty Little Liars — honor students, theater geeks, and nerds abound in the adult industry. Many of us are shy little weirdos: agoraphobic, socially awkward, and sometimes super insecure…